As I write this, I am sitting watching a women’s tennis game from Wimbledon. I think Serena Williams just won.
Tuesday night is social tennis night with the girls (we are advanced beginners I guess you could say) so, rather than explaining to the girls that I had a date tonight and couldn’t make it, I instead chose to message A* and asked for a raincheck on our date and to defer it to another night.
I was playing well until my final service game . I was serving well but the other girls started returning my serve so that it was impossible for me to reach it (there are only 3 of us so we play 2 vs 1). My heart started to sink, about how I couldn’t return their returns, about how I was not as skinny or fit as them, how they were mean and purposefully making shots that I could never ever return and why did I chose to play tennis with them instead of going on a date with A*.
Seriously, I must be PMSing because my emotions quickly started to nose dive. While playing tennis I started worrying about not studying enough for this upcoming exam, about how my compulsive hoarding could affect my ability to have friends and/or lovers, about how I can’t fit a lot of dating into my schedule, about how my desk and car are not clean, about my general love life failures etc etc.
After tennis, while getting in the car, I lamented that the other girls were too selfish to wait while I dropped the key off (actually, they did end up waiting) and then a song came on the radio and I started to cry.
Wow. Calendar check - yes, I am probably PMSing. After all of this progress that I have made, I can’t let these temporary irrational thoughts bring me down. So, I came home, studied the chapter I planned to study and in between washed two sink loads of dishes proving to myself that, even while PMSing and free falling, I can still get a handle on all of this crazy anxiety shenanigans.
NEXT.
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